Making Appreciation Your Language of Love

Appreciation is the greatest motivator in a relationship.

When you appreciate your man or woman, you affirm all the things you love about them, who they are and and what they do. You feed more energy and attention into what is positive, and starve out some of the other things you don’t like quite as much.

Your positive reinforcement also acts as a catalyst for your partner to do more of what makes you smile, because ultimately, that’s what they want to do. Appreciation is the conduit for more things to appreciate.

The more you acknowledge what you love about the person you’re with, the more inspired your partner will be to make you happy; and the more they make you happy, the more you appreciate them – and them, you. It’s the kind of cycle you want to be in.

You can think of appreciation like a spotlight. Wherever you point the light, that’s what will become more evident and obvious to you. So the question is, which do you want to notice more of – what you like and want, or what you don’t.

The interesting thing is, most of us want to notice what we don’t like to some degree or another. Why?

It’s called confirmation bias. Even though what we’re looking at may not be exactly as we want it, it makes us feel safe and reassured to confirm a story we have about something, someone or even ourselves.

So we want to practice flipping this script by confirming what we DO want. And we do this by turning that spotlight and shining it right and bright on everything that we love about ourselves, our lives, our daily interactions, our partners and our relationships.

Remember that your appreciation shows your partner what you love and encourages them to keep doing more of it. If you want to truly enjoy a fulfilling and conscious relationship, this practice of appreciation is a crucial ingredient.

So, how can you practice more of it?

On your own:

#1: Pick up a fresh notebook that inspires you and is so beautiful, you can’t wait to open it and get to writing.

#2: Set aside time every morning or night to write in detail about something you appreciate about your partner.

#3: You can write more generally to get you started. The next step is to get more detailed and specific.

#4: Talk about something your partner did that day, or something they said that week that made you admire them. Spend at least 5 minutes journaling about your appreciation for your partner.

#5: Close your eyes, place your hand on your heart, imagine your love’s face and say the words in your mind, “I appreciate you”.

With your partner:

#1: Say thank you for the little things, look them in the eyes and smile – a sweet kiss is an added bonus!

#2: Tell your partner that you love the way he or she (fill in the blank: some basic examples – takes out the trash, makes coffee, makes the bed, etc.) and tell your love how it makes you feel (ie. taken care of, loved, excited to get into bed together, etc.)

#3: Do things that you know your partner loves – cook their favourite meal, put on their favorite movie, write a sexy note.

#4: Comment on how great they look, how funny and sweet they are, how good of a partner he or she is, etc.

#5: Tell and show your appreciation often. Let it become a natural part of your relationship to acknowledge and appreciate who your partner is and what they have to offer.

People are often scared that if they highlight what’s great and what someone’s doing well, that the motivation to “change” the things you don’t like as much will dissipate – but in fact, it’s quite the opposite. When you point the spotlight on what you love, you boost their confidence and energize them to show up in a bigger way.

As appreciation becomes more authentic and consistent, it won’t be long before you really start to see how appreciation shifts the dynamic of your relationship and keeps your partner treating you right.


Symptoms of practicing appreciation:
  • You’ll notice more of what’s amazing about your life, your relationship and your partner.
  • You’ll be happier.
  • Your partner will feel loved and appreciated.
  • Your partner will keep doing things that you’ll appreciate.
  • You and your partner will get along better.
  • You’ll experience more love and tenderness in your relationship.
  • You’ll experience more intimacy (all kinds).
  • Your partner will appreciate you for appreciating them.
  • Your partner will feel deeply in love with you.
  • Both you and your partner will feel safe & respected.
  • Your relationship will feel more fulfilling.
  • Appreciation will become the language of your relationship.