Rising vs Falling In Love

To be consciously in love means to be aware, mindful, present and to make choices from an empowered place, based on how you want to feel.

Like most, I’m sure you’ve referred to that special stage of realizing how much you care about someone as falling in love – no shame, I’ve been there, too. However, in an effort to be a conscious lover, I believe a more suitable term to describe a healthy and thriving love, would be to say we are rising in it.

What does it mean to rise in love?

A love in which you rise, is a love in which you, as a person, get better, wiser, even happier than you were before (which hopefully was already really happy). In reframing love this way, you’re stepping towards your full potential and are not in need of a relationship – though you do want one. It’s the type of love where you can build something great with one another and where respect and appreciation are the guiding posts of your relationship. It’s the kind of love where two “wholes” come together to create something exponentially greater.

When you “fall” in love, the implication is that you’re losing something – a part of yourself, your sanity, your individuality. It also sounds like a surrendering to emotional reactions rather than being intentional about your emotions and feelings.

Our emotions are often reactive in nature. Having an emotional reaction to a movie, a touching speech, an argument, is a physical response to an outside circumstance.

Emotions, or energy in motion, are powerful because they create momentum. If you’re tuned into an emotional vibration of worry, doubt, anger or anything of the sort, you’ll notice that this becomes the theme of your day (if you woke up this way), or your relationship (if this tends to be your emotional set point). On the contrary, if you regularly tune into more positive emotions, you’ll see the evidence of that in your day and relationships, too.

When it comes to your love life (and a sustainable one at that), you want to have ownership over your reactions (for the most part). You want to be more intentional about the feelings you conjure up in your powerful mind and those that you bring to the relationship. And one of the feelings you want to intentionally set forth in your relationship is that of rising and thriving in love.

Here are some ways to help you do just that:

  • Practice meditations that tune you into love vibrations (Tara Brach has some wonderful guided meditations to help with this).
  • When you’re feeling any anxiety about the relationship, refer back to the exercise you did in chapter 4.
  • Replace the term my “better half” or “other half” with my partner/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife – or better yet, use their name!
  • Stay equally focused on your individual goals as you do your couple goals.
  • Support your partner’s dreams and ambitions.
  • Encourage yourself and your partner with positive reinforcement.
  • Spend time doing things that bring you JOY.
  • Do things alone, and/or with your family & friends.
  • Give to yourself what you want your love to give to you (ie. flowers, compliments, etc.).
  • Choose words & thoughts that instill confidence in yourself and the relationship.
  • Be present in whatever you’re doing and whoever you’re with (not lost in thoughts about your partner).
  • Keep yourself in check! The relationship is only one part of your life. Remind yourself that you’re more than capable of dedicating time and energy to all the buckets of your life (friends, family, work, passion projects, exercise, hobbies, etc).