It’s easy to talk a big game about what we want, but not always as easy to look ourselves in the mirror and ask – what kind of partner am I being? Would I like being in a relationship with myself?
These questions are important to ask from a gentle place of self-love. This isn’t about being hard on yourself or questioning your worth as a partner, but more so a way to check in for the sake of bringing more peace and harmony to your relationship. When you can be real about what kind of energy you’re bringing to your relationship, how you’re contributing to its success and/or problems, and what you do and don’t do for your partner, you can identify your strengths (always a good thing) and decide where you want to step up your game.
In chapter 3, we addressed the importance of matching to your vision so that you could attract the person/relationship you desire, or create the kind of relationship you want within the one you’re already in. In this chapter, we want to take this question a little further by asking, are you being the kind of partner that you yourself wish to have? Do you match your own expectations? And ultimately, would it be fun to be in a relationship with you?
It can be quite the challenge to look at yourself with clear, non-judgemental and loving lenses, for the sake of moving yourself forward in the direction you want to go – in this case, a relationship that’s filled with love, joy and ease – but it’s a challenge that’s worth your while.
To help with your self-assessment, here are 8 areas to look at:
#1: How You Communicate When You’re Angry or Upset
While it’s perfectly ok to tell your partner what they’ve done to upset you, it’s not ok to be mean, call them names or put them down. Deliberately hurting the one you’re with because you’re upset is never a good look. On the flip side of that, are you able to keep the respect even when you’re disappointed, sad or even angry?
#2: If You Compliment And Appreciate More Than You Criticize
As we looked at in chapter 11, what you focus on and what you feed grows. If you want to see more of what you like in your relationship, praise your partner for what he or she does well instead of constantly pointing out what they need to improve. On that note, are you able to see your partner’s so-called flaws in a positive light? For example, it may drive you crazy that your partner is always 15 minutes late because he or she is so consumed in what they’re doing – but are you capable of seeing this in another (more positive) light? Your partner is fully present in what they’re doing and perhaps that’s something you can learn to admire and even learn from.
#3: How Well You Argue
When you’re having a tough conversation or argument, do you feel the need to prove yourself right? Do you know when it’s time to “back down”? Can you settle for peace vs making your point? These are some questions to ask yourself.
#4: Your Support
I know it’s easier said than done to support your partner’s dreams and ambitions when they involve long hours and time away from you; that being said, your partner having their own projects and goals is all part of an interdependent relationship. So ask yourself, which do you do more often: encourage your partner to follow their bliss, or lay on the guilt?
#5: How Much You Give What You Ask For
If you’ve been asking your partner for more romance, spontaneous sex or compliments, how much of these things do you do?
#6: Your Physical, Mental, Spiritual and Emotional Availability
Looking back on chapter 6, we reviewed the different types of connection and how each one contributes to a healthy, thriving relationship. Are you offering your partner a combination of the 4 types of connection? Do you give him or her physical affection? Do you strike up stimulating conversation? Do you make an effort to align your greater visions? And are you emotionally available to your partner?
#7: Being A Partner
Being in a relationship that lasts is not only about being a good lover and meeting your own needs (ok, I’m sure you already knew that), it’s mostly rooted in being a partner in every sense of the word. That means being someone your love can rely on, make decisions with, laugh with and grow with. Are you more of a partner or a crutch?
#8: Your Commitment To Your Conscious Awarness
Bringing it back to the concept of the mirror, the only way to be in a relationship that reflects love, joy, ease and happiness is to feel those things yourself. Your commitment to your consciousness and alignment, aka, feeling great, is a sure sign of how well you’re showing up in your relationship.