Your Self-Love Journey

There’s a starting point for everything, and when it comes to healthy relationships, no matter how cliche it may sound: self-love is the name of the game. Self-love is the beginning, middle and every phase in between of your relationship. It’s the foundation on which your relationship will stand and grow.

But what exactly is self-love?

Contrary to popular belief, self-love isn’t about bubble baths or day trips to the spa – though, those can be wonderful side effects of knowing how to care for your needs.

Self-love is ultimately self-kindness. And here’s how it looks in action:

  • Thinking nice thoughts about yourself
  • Letting your “mistakes” go more easily
  • Trusting in yourself and backing up your decisions
  • Focusing on what you love about yourself more than what you’d love to change
  • Encouraging yourself the way you would a friend
  • Saying positive things to and about yourself
  • Describing yourself in a positive light
  • Highlighting your strengths
  • Taking time out for rest and relaxation
  • Doing things for the sake of feeling joy
  • Dedicating time to your mind, body and spirit
How does it serve your relationships?

1.  Your relationships serve as a mirror to your internal landscape. If there are calm, smooth waters, that’s what you’ll experience in your relationships – and on the flip side, if there’s discord and fear, that’s what you’ll see too.

Relationships act as mirrors and the Universe aligns us with people who reflect back to us our internal discord or harmony. If there are areas we need to heal or haven’t yet addressed, we will meet people who magnify these areas and force us to deal with them straight on.

For example, if you don’t tend to trust your partners what the mirror is really showing you, is that trust is an issue within yourself. The area that needs your loving attention is self-trust.

Or, if you haven’t figured out how to be happy on your own and don’t enjoy your alone time, you’ll depend on the man/woman in your life, which will cause them to retreat and leave you feeling even lonelier. The mirror is showing you that you need to give yourself more time and attention. The area that needs your loving attention is self-fulfillment.

2.  The way you see and treat yourself, will directly determine how others treat you. And the very things you’re looking for externally; someone to make you feel beautiful, to have fun with or to love – are the very things you need to give yourself. The way you love yourself shows people how you expect to be loved and inspires even more love.

3.  Self-love also gives you standards. When you fill your cup with your own love, you’re not hungry for the crumbs someone may try to offer you, and are not at all willing to accept them.

4. You have love to share. When you love yourself in a true way, you have love to share with someone else. This shifts the dynamic of your love life in a drastic way, because you’re not looking to fill your cup with someone else’s love, draining them and yourself in the process. Your cup is overflowing with love, so you actually have love to share.

5.  Bringing it back to the mirror. Your relationship will reflect the way you love, respect and care for yourself, and you can consequently only be attractive to, and attracted to someone who loves themselves the same way you do.

When you’re feeling stuck and aren’t sure what to do, ask yourself, “What would someone who loves themselves do in this situation?”

How can you love yourself more?
  • Talk yourself up instead of down.
  • Forgive yourself more often.
  • Praise yourself willingly.
  • Create space in your life to simply be with yourself.
  • Make feeling good your number one priority.
If you’re single:

Self-love is key to your dating life. It sets the standards for what you will and won’t accept and it relieves your dating anxieties.

When should I call? What should I say? Do I sound desperate?

When you love yourself, when you are genuinely nice to yourself with your words, thoughts and actions, you won’t have these kinds of doubts. And you’ll naturally strike the balance of showing your interest, without chasing someone.

Why?

Because you’ve filled your own cup with your own love and you’re not thirsty for anyone else’s attention. You’ll show your interest from a genuine place without implying you need that person to validate you. You’re not waiting for them to be the “one”, because you’ve already got her.

If you’re in a relationship:

You will see a direct correlation between the flow and harmony in your relationship and the way you’re feeling on the inside.

When you’re stressed out, feeling disconnected to yourself and being hard on yourself, your relationship will suffer. When you’re being good to yourself, mind, body and spirit, your relationship will thrive.

Always remember the concept of your relationship as a mirror and ask yourself:

What is my relationship reflecting?

If you don’t like what you see, ask yourself:

How can I be more loving towards myself?

The love you want from someone else, always starts with you.